Tuesday, June 24
I've been doing this 'blog off and on for about six months now. I really don't know the direction of this space (but I haven't really known the direction of my Web site for nearly seven years now). So far, I don't really link to other Web sites, offer professional insight, commentary or dwell on my private thoughts. I never intended this to be a entirely personal or professional site and it's actually neither right now.
I guess the only attraction on this Web site is me, and goodness knows what limited quality I am. Beware, this is just a minor prelude before moving to the core of my thoughts -- as vague and personal as they seem. I need a canvas for my pensive brooding and a public Web page seems the best place. ;)
I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Something big in my life has just ended this weekend, and I'm coming to grips with it. It's the end of the first real interpersonal relationship in my life where I've really opened myself up.
I knew the ending was coming, but perhaps I've just been avoiding the inevitable -- or holding out hope. I don't know if the pain that sidelined me yesterday was the horrendous bug bites from the swampland that I found myself in or something else. Most likely the bug bites, because I don't think heartbreak includes swelled joints (Them bugs really got me).
I can look at the other person and not be entirely happy with the path that she's taking (although there's some pluses to her new course, I see many, many pitfalls ahead).
Still, it's water under the bridge. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and all that. ... I should be happy for her.
Throughout this entire, 20-month thing, I've encouraged (really preached) that we find personal happiness from within -- although we certainly drew from each other. Now a decision has been made that doesn't include me and I'm bummed out about it.
At the end, the thing that stinks to me is that there was nothing permanent or lasting -- except the memories. It's irksome that the truth would be only known to us (something that certainly isn't the case with her new path). It's something I would have wanted to shout and sing about, but was forced to keep under wraps (mostly), anonymous. Now it's smothered. Pity.
Well, enough of the pages of black text and lurid emoting, back to the Trek BBS, DVDs and late-night reading for me. ;)
Wednesday, June 4
POWAY -- Learning a lesson from last year, I'm taking vacation in the middle of the year, instead of September and December. What better place to go on vacation than sunny San Diego? So here I am.
It's just nice hanging out with my family, although the family's relatively new cat has a free run of what used to be "my" bedroom (until I kicked her out). Melinda and Katie are getting so mature and grown up. I'm not hip to their ways and it shows.
I haven't gotten out too much yet (I have been playing way too much Ratchet and Clank on the PS2). I did get to have dinner with my friend Dave, which was enjoyable. Too bad I don't have too many friends to keep tabs on (although I'm writing two Houghton friends right now).
I'm looking forward to hitting some museums, the beach and perhaps the Japanese Friendship Garden. Hopefully I'll be able to go to a couple of ball games (although the Padres are absolutely dreadful this season).
Of course, catching up on some good food and decent shopping are up on the list as well. I already when to Little Tokyo with mom. I had some tempura and tuna sushi that was delightful. More later.